As I looked at the grave
Where You lie awake
Passed the source of ever dark
With Your never ending carks
The cold breeze cut like a dagger
And Your soul roamed like a beggar
Looking for a place to rest
From the ethereal nest
The deep dark embraced You
Like a leaf caresses a drop of dew
The pain in You is eternal
Passed on from the kernel
Your soul bore You away
Just as mine did today
The emptiness is haunting me
Yet I came to bleed
Forever I am damned, I'm scared
Because no one ever cared
I'm now just a ghost
Yet I go for a prose
wow... this one's good... me likey!!!
ReplyDeleteNow that's a compliment... but you're supposed to be my critic hehehehe My friend.. It's about a girl looking over her lover's grave... thinking to herself. Yet it's clearly revealed at the end that she is a ghost too.. all alone
ReplyDeleteThis one's got a rhyme... and me luv dis paticular ending "I'm now just a ghost Yet I go for a prose" ...it has somthing to it, which i cannot put to prose but feel it :)
ReplyDeletehehehe I don't let 'me' feel the poem... I let the poem to feel me.... You feel it 'coz she's very much alive in her own sense...
ReplyDelete"The pain in You is eternal
ReplyDeletePassed on from the kernel"
he line hi ka duh lutuk
and
"I'm now just a ghost
Yet I go for a prose "
kinda funny ending for a serious gothic poem..he he
lolzzzz... she's a ghost who has nothing material in her ghostly body(?)... all she has is a prose LOLOLOL
ReplyDeleteeven though u want a critical review.... i really dont know a single part of it to crticize.... I LIKE IT!!!!!
ReplyDeletechristina thank you very much ... ka junior ah ka ngailo che ania eh hehehehehe
ReplyDeleteA ghost writing poems! lovely!
ReplyDelete